On the subject of Anxiety

This topic is only vaguely related to my hobbies. I’ll try to make it come to a full circle in the end, but no promises! I’m in a kind of melancholy mood and I wanted to write about it.

I have anxiety, though I feel like everyone has anxiety to some degree. The level of my anxiety can range from simple everyday worries, to full blown panic, to a constant sense of unease or general wrongness. I have social anxiety as well, where I’ll type something or say something and then endlessly think about what I’ve said or typed when it’s too late to take it back… and then I think “Whhyyyy did I sayyyy that????” /cringe /derp /facepalm /g2gkthxbai4ever. So awkward. … times infinity. This is probably why a lot of my hobbies are solo hobbies (crocheting, reading, blogging, doll collecting and appreciating). When it comes to hobby-related stuff, I start to doubt my enjoyment of the activity and its value to me.

I’ve struggled with anxiety probably my whole life. I say “probably” because it’s really hard for me to say when it all started. Until a few years ago, I always assumed that the way I was feeling was normal, because how would I know otherwise? Since then, I’ve learned a few ways to deal with my thoughts (cognitive therapy really helped), and now that I’m able to recognize the feelings and thoughts for what they are, I also recognize that there are times I need to force myself to move despite my body telling me that it’s a good time to shut down (I have an awful relationship with sleep. When I want to sleep, it eludes me. When I want to stay awake, BOOM. Nap time.).

Understanding that a lot of what I’m anxious about doesn’t often make sense (or at least the degree of my anxiety doesn’t make sense), and willing myself to do anything isn’t always easy. However, for me, the first step towards getting away from my dark place is doing something I generally enjoy, even though at the time it might not seem worth it. Sometimes, a distraction (whether it’s petting my furbaby, or redressing my dolls) is enough to recalibrate the brain and put things into perspective, at least for a little while.

FullSizeRenderI’m still torn on what to name her.

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11 thoughts on “On the subject of Anxiety

    • The therapist I was seeing back then was kind of my emotional sounding board – kind of the rational voice that I knew I was lacking. She taught me exercises that helped calm me down, like spelling difficult words backward and controlled breathing (sounds silly but it works). She also helped me realize that I look inward too much, and I over-analyze everything I do, think, and say, and that kindness to myself is something I needed to work on, and still do.

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  1. I know what you mean all too well; just about everything you described is something I’ve dealt with, too. (I still remember — and cringe at — conversations I had more than twenty years ago! I doubt the other person in the conversation even still remembers I exist, and yet I find myself wishing I’d handled the exchange better.) I should probably look into cognitive therapy, too; I’ve actually not heard of it before, but it sounds useful.

    Distractions are definitely a good idea when you’re anxious or stressed. (I was totally blocked on my paper (due Thursday) and decided to take a break by doing my special photo shoot for my Halloween post, and when I finished and went back to my paper, I more than doubled what I had already written! Though I guess that’s not saying so much, since I’d only written about 350 words….but it’s only a 1000 word paper, so that’s not too bad.)

    That outfit looks really cute on Licca, by the way. Strange and somewhat unrelated question: how big is the Pure Neemo XS body in comparison to Yeolume’s stock body? (I suddenly want to get some bodies (and heads) to fit some nice clothes that came on terribly made dolls, but I’m not sure what bodies are the right size. The clothes fit Yeolume, but are a bit too short on her.)

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    • Yeah sometimes it’s good to take a step back and reevaluate a conversation from an outsider’s point of view. It’s hard for me to get outside of my own head, but when I am able to be objective, I realize that what I might have said really isn’t that big of a deal and probably no one is tearing my words apart and combing through them with a fine toothed comb like I usually do. Also, it helps me to remember that what’s done is done (or said is said, lol), and in the end, everything is going to be okay or is okay.
      Writer’s block is a tough one though, and writing itself is a bit of a weird activity for me because it’s something I both enjoy and also something that causes a bit of stress when a blank screen is just staring back at me with that blinking cursor. Also, the procrastination is strong in me, especially when it comes to assignments (speaking from memories of when I was in school).
      ^^ also about the Yeolume body vs. Pure Neemo XS body – I actually have a photo of them next to eachother:

      IMG_1975

      I don’t have the Yeolume anymore, but from the photo it looks like the Pure Neemo XS girl body is a bit thicker in the torso and the legs. I want to say that clothes that fit Yeolume, might be too small for a Pure Neemo Body.

      From top of shoulder to bottom of feet (standing) – 6.75 inches
      Circumference of chest = 3.25 Inches
      Circumference of waist (where the doll swivels) – 3 inches
      Widest part of butt circumference – 3.5 inches
      From the socket where the leg meets the hip to bottom of foot standing – 4.5 Inches
      I hope this helps! These are a bit rough measurements as all I have right now is a bit of yarn and a ruler.

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      • I just did some measurements on Yeolume, and came up with almost the exact same numbers, except that she’s a bit shorter. (I got 6.5 for shoulder to feet.) That might be a problem; the clothes were already short on Yeolume. 😦

        Still, maybe I should experiment. I saw someone selling a Licca clothing pack that also had a spare head with it, so I could order that and a Pure Neemo XS body, try these other clothes on the body, and if they don’t fit, it’s no big loss, ’cause I’ll already have a head and clothes for it. (Or maybe I’m just making excuses to order that clothing pack, ’cause it was really cool…)

        The real question is what to do if the Pure Neemo XS is a bit too big. I’d think shifting down to Picco Neemo would make it too *small*. There’s also the added concern that I have no idea what kind of heads would go with a Pure Neemo body anyway. Some of the dolls came with hats, so it would need to be a fairly proportional head.

        I guess this is too complicated to just rush in and get it done. It just seemed so much simpler (in theory) than all my other doll projects. (I still haven’t had the nerve to open Pyrrha’s head to give her her new face-up and eyes. Though the eye chips are still a work in progress anyway…)

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      • Picco neemo is considered 1/12 scale I think, so it’s quite small. I’ve seen people swap out the middie body for the picco neemo. The pure neemo flexion line is 1/6 scale, and you could always change Pyrrha’a body to the pure neemo ^^, or stick the licca head on it, orrr also order an obitsu head and make a whole new girl 😀 . The last one is going to be my next project.

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      • The dolls I’m trying to replace are about 7.5 inches tall, from head to toe, so they’re sadly right in the middle between 1/12 and 1/6 scale, though I guess they’re closer to 1/12, really. I’m thinking I might order an Azone doll that’s 1/12 scale to see if that scale is right. (Ugh, how much am I planning to order, anyway?)

        Of course, at this point, I’ve definitely decided not to order anything else (I’ve had three bouts of Etsy doll clothes orders in the last week, all at radically different scales (1/3, 1/6 and whatever the heck scale BJD Ai is)) until I check my bank balance after Friday. ‘Cause I was in Gamestop the other day and saw a mock-up box for a New Nintendo 3DS in gold decorated with the Triforce and all that, and I pre-ordered it, thinking it was going to come out to go with the 3DS version of Hyrule Warriors…only it turns out it comes out on Friday, because it’s actually for the recent Zelda game whose name I just forgot. (It’s too early in the morning, apparently. I wake up slower now that I’ve stopped drinking caffeinated beverages.) So suddenly I have this massive (well, okay, not exactly *massive*) outlay planned for the end of the week. Plus I had hoped to get the new Middie Blythe that’s releasing mid-November, so I need to set aside some money for that. Actually, I want the matching Neo, too, but I don’t think I’ll have enough money to allow me to get both. 😦 And I still keep hoping Groove’s going to put up more dolls on the current sample sale to make up for waving Elizabeth under my nose and then letting someone else order her. 😦 😦 (I’m going to be carrying a bitterness torch on that one for a long time, I think.)

        Sigh. I know I’ve often talked about needing to win the lottery, but I feel like that really is what I need. (Of course, first I would have to have the guts to buy a ticket…)

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  2. I hope you feel less anxious everyday going forward. I have anxiety as well. I think hobbies help because it is an environment where I have most of the control so there is very little to be anxious about. I have used everything out there and I agree with you cognitive therapy is a great helper. I would also recommend biofeedback in case you haven’t tried that one. These days I am using deep breathing to unwind as well. It has been very very helpful.
    I love you new doll licca chan with her purenemoo body 🙂 she reminds me off mashmallow type candy I saw in Nederlands 🙂

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    • I’ll have to read about Biofeedback. I haven’t seen anyone on a couple of years as I’ve been better at keeping the anxiety in check, but lately I find that I have to tap into those calming techniques more and more often.
      Also thank you! I’m surprised at how much I’m loving her and her painted expression/eyes. I’m thinking this licca girl is my gateway doll for azones, ruruko, and this new doll I saw on Instagram called redberrydoll. None of this bodes well for my wallet.

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      • I would love to get a momoko ruruko pair and licca chan and poppy Parker and all the groove dolls I don’t have yet :)))) the list never ends. I Better get a lottery ticket :))

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