Slowly packing up my life

It’s weird, but I feel like my move is kind of the start of a new chapter in the story of my life (lol I couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it). I actually haven’t started packing, as I kind of dread the idea of sifting through my things and figuring out whether it’s coming with me or staying behind. 

The one decision that I made that will haunt me is the fact that I will be leaving my cat behind with family, until I have reached some form of stability in my new surroundings. I love my cat – she’s my baby. I know coming back for her after I’ve settled down is the responsible choice for me and for her, but it’s gutting to think I won’t see her for a couple of months at least. I also worry that she will be taken care of properly. I worry a lot. About everything. All the time. 

On a lighter note, I also feel sad leaving some of my dolls behind. (Of course, they will be shipped to me at a later time.) I’ve decided to bring my three custom girls with me, I guess for the fact that they are more fragile than my stock girls, and they are also a bit more fun to photograph, since they have such different expressions from one another. 

They’re also quite comforting to me… I think it’s because Finley was my first Blythe, who I’ve been through a lot of firsts with, and Marina and Prisma were gifts from very dear friends whom I connected with through the hobby (so they’re kind of like my good luck charms). 

I will miss having Reese and Elowyn around for the time being… Which is why I’m bringing these two girls to the next Blythe meet I’m attending this weekend!


I won’t be keeping her in this outfit for the meet, but I thought Reese looked quite cute in her blue and orange ensemble, and I wanted to share ^^.

Ah… Life is nerve-wracking and time just kind of flies by. As it was, I kind of felt like most of the past few years of my life were spent in continuous black and white accompanied by white noise and the sound of my own anxiety. When I think about the alternative of spending any more years like this – stagnant, living within the same 10 mile radius I was born, spending most of my time at a job that seems like a waste of time, just kind of hoping that things would change or get better without me having to do anything, I realize I’m making the best choice for me by making changes in my life. 

I hope to keep updating my blog regularly during my transition… But know that if I disappear for a bit, it will not be for long! 

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On the subject of Anxiety

This topic is only vaguely related to my hobbies. I’ll try to make it come to a full circle in the end, but no promises! I’m in a kind of melancholy mood and I wanted to write about it.

I have anxiety, though I feel like everyone has anxiety to some degree. The level of my anxiety can range from simple everyday worries, to full blown panic, to a constant sense of unease or general wrongness. I have social anxiety as well, where I’ll type something or say something and then endlessly think about what I’ve said or typed when it’s too late to take it back… and then I think “Whhyyyy did I sayyyy that????” /cringe /derp /facepalm /g2gkthxbai4ever. So awkward. … times infinity. This is probably why a lot of my hobbies are solo hobbies (crocheting, reading, blogging, doll collecting and appreciating). When it comes to hobby-related stuff, I start to doubt my enjoyment of the activity and its value to me.

I’ve struggled with anxiety probably my whole life. I say “probably” because it’s really hard for me to say when it all started. Until a few years ago, I always assumed that the way I was feeling was normal, because how would I know otherwise? Since then, I’ve learned a few ways to deal with my thoughts (cognitive therapy really helped), and now that I’m able to recognize the feelings and thoughts for what they are, I also recognize that there are times I need to force myself to move despite my body telling me that it’s a good time to shut down (I have an awful relationship with sleep. When I want to sleep, it eludes me. When I want to stay awake, BOOM. Nap time.).

Understanding that a lot of what I’m anxious about doesn’t often make sense (or at least the degree of my anxiety doesn’t make sense), and willing myself to do anything isn’t always easy. However, for me, the first step towards getting away from my dark place is doing something I generally enjoy, even though at the time it might not seem worth it. Sometimes, a distraction (whether it’s petting my furbaby, or redressing my dolls) is enough to recalibrate the brain and put things into perspective, at least for a little while.

FullSizeRenderI’m still torn on what to name her.